Giorgia Meloni and the strongman who came to dinner

Welcome to Declassified, a weekly humor column.

What does a far-right gal have to do to get a quiet day at work in this political world?

Surely, that’s what Italian Prime Minister and Trump-whisperer Giorgia Meloni must have been wondering as her Hungarian counterpart Viktor Orbán came to Rome this week. The Hungarian leader was on a mission to chew bubble gum and make erratic statements to the media — and it appears he was all out of gum.

Italian media had a field day covering the meeting, splashing headlines about Palazzo Chigi’s “embarrassment” over how to handle the awkward friendship. And Meloni’s coalition partners weren’t shy either: “We have different ideas,” said Forza Italia leader — and man deeply devoted to his summer holidays — Antonio Tajani of the Hungarian prime minister.

Poor Giorgia.

Imagine spending most of your time at work trying to stop your international teammates — all with authoritarian ambitions, a flair for the dramatic and extremely thin skin — from accidentally starting another war, trade or otherwise, by offending one another. Or merely pointing out someone’s bronzer is fading.

Then Orbán showed up at her door, turned to the cameras, and announced that U.S. President and makeup enthusiast Donald Trump “has gone too far” with his sanctions on Russian oil. Orbán vowed he would personally fly to Washington to talk the American leader out of them and fix the situation himself — like a real strongman would.

And to make sure no world leaders felt left out, Orbán then pivoted to Europe, declaring that the EU “has no role” and is “out of the game” when it comes to Ukraine. European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen will be thrilled.

Giorgia must have been exhausted by this point — and that was all on day one. She had probably hoped Orbán would have at least started the day on a holier note considering his morning began at the Vatican, but to no avail.

“I’ve asked His Holiness to support Hungary’s peace efforts,” Orbán said of his meeting with the Pope. One can only imagine the pontiff’s reaction, likely a mix of shock and confusion as he restrained himself from questioning the Hungarian leader’s definition of “peace.”

Next time, he might just call Giorgia and ask her to mediate.

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